Balance

I steadfastly believe that life is about balance. Work vs. play. Talking vs. listening. Doing vs. watching. I write today worrying that many people I both know and see (myself included) easily fall into lives that are too one dimensional to create and sustain that elusive harmony between being content with yourself while being an active and productive citizen in a civilized society. It is my belief that of the folks whom I'll describe as one-dimensioners ("OD's"), it is the ones who give too much of themselves to others who are the workaholics and bad spouses while those who lose their way and give and give only to themselves are the ones we see who are truly the most troubled.

You see OD's everywhere. They angrily work long hours only to cut you off (and possibly even flip you off) on their ride home. They are the ones looking for quarters and food scraps in Suburban Station. They are that friend who is incapable of feeling sympathy or how to talk about anything other than themselves. My questions are, how did they get there, how do they get out, and are we all victims of such an imbalance in one way shape or form?

OD's who lose sight of themselves and replace their personal well-being for the sake of others (from their family, to their clients, to visitors to a soup kitchen where they volunteer seven days a week) seem to me to be attempting to find themselves through their own consistent and dominating extroverted characteristics. Young doctors in residency or energetic widows who sit on board after board might fall into this category. So too, as noted above, are the workaholics who put a deal or a conference in Tucson above her own weekend getaway to unwind and recharge. While they oftentimes make those around them happier, they do it at the expense of their own well being in the long run. In turn, I wonder if this personal depreciation manifests itself in a long term downgrade in those outward relationships that these OD's define themselves by or at least seem to live for.

OD's who place themselves and their self-perceived needs over others seem to be the more destructive of the group. By spurning relationships of a larger group in favor of a personal vice (gambling, let's say) in an effort to achieve personal happiness and satisfaction, this group manages to shut off much of their role as a productive member of society. I do not mean that all addicts uniformly fall into and wholly comprise this category. But I do ask that you think about that lazy or unambitious acquaintance who is simply more of a nail than a tire, thinking her utility is to fasten 2x4s when, in reality, she simply scuttles the progress of the journey of others.

OK. So how do we enter and reside in that hard-to-find place where our stars align? I think it's quite obvious: that place is different for each individual, but we all must take care to look for those signs both within us and our family and peers that can serve as guideposts along our way there. If you are a sculptor, be sure to mold the clay once a week. If you love skydiving, be sure to do that, too, if perhaps less frequently than once a week because it's just quite dangerous. If you can do what makes you happy while also helping your fellow man do anything from listen during his divorce to helping any older couple hail a cab and do those things on a consistent enough basis that you can sleep well at night and wake up with the energy to do it all over again in the morning, you not only are on the right path, but you're farther along than many.